I cockslap morals
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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