Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
