Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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