out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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