this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
