No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
