If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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