I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I am mentally ready for anal.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
