that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize