i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Barsexuality is the new black.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
