It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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