I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
