Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
