new low.... made out with someone while peeing
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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