I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
