I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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