according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
