you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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