i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize