Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
