My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
