Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
