i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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