Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He did a backflip because drugs
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
