I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
there was a trapeze. enough said
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
