Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
