I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
