I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
