I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
