when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
