this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize