Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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