Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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