i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
