So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
