dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
