i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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