you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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