she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
