I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
