they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
