I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
