Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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