See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
