I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
