I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
