oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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