Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
