threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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