DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
