dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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