SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
