you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
