Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
