I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
