your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dick very happy bro
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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