Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
