That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
