You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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