brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
