:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
