So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
