I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize