guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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