How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize