Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
