I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
