george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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