maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize