youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
