Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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