Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
