The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
