Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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