haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
