everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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