Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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