This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
