It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
