They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
