Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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