He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
