Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I woke up under a house in Key West
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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