hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
