The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
