Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
