Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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