I heard we made out
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
