I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
