Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
