I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
