dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
