Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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