How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
