You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
