i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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