Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
