he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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