You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize