I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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