you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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