last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
