it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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