i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize