i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
