I accidentally burped into my bong.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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