You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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