i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
