i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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