So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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