He passed out mid-signature
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
