I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
