and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
