You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
