We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she smelled like a LAN party
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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